8 More Days Till Your Birthday

Well, apparently I'm back! I hate how I've always blogged about being back a countless of times. It just goes to show how inconsistent I am at blogging which I would have hated to admit, but have to acknowledge so I could correct it. I want to be a better blogger, which I have mentioned several times before. Did I become better? I guess not. Well, not yet but I know I will be.

I haven't been well. It's been 9 months since mom passed away and it felt like she took a huge chunk of my heart with her. I feel incomplete. If not for Peterson and my kids, I would have been lost too. Miraculously, I've been feeling better this month. I haven't cried that ugly cry for several weeks (which is a relief) but I'm starting to feel the pain creeping back and I have to admit I am afraid to let it back in. 8 days from now will be Mama's 56th birthday and I don't even know how to celebrate it without her. How ironic it would be to celebrate someone's birthday when they're already dead. But of course you can’t just forget someone’s birthday. Especially someone that meant, and does mean, so much to you. But how do you celebrate?

I asked my sister casually if she's going to work on the 28th, which is a Monday, and luckily it's a holiday so we're going to celebrate it all together with Dad and the kids (hopefully). I haven't even asked her if she's planned anything, I didn't. Honestly, as the Mom's birthday is getting closer, I am getting more sensitive and more anxious. I know my heart won't be too well and I'm afraid I might break down that very day. We, Dad and Joan, haven't really openly talked about our feelings on Mom's passing. I've been holding myself together every time one of us would mention Mama, I've always hid the pain I felt. But I'm so afraid that I might not hold it together on Mama's day, or any of us for that matter. I feel nervous.

I am still learning to cope with this pain, with this absence. This may be the hardest birthday we're going to celebrate.

So I'm Back (from outer space)!

Yes, I'm back! LOL on the outer space though that's how far I really felt from where I've been. I've been lost lately that I had forgotten to pay my hosting for 3 months. I know, that's very irresponsible of me and now I'm trying to find out how to pay my dues but I cannot seem to find it on Hostgator's customer portal. I also checked my invoice and it says that "There are no invoices to display." Could it be that my account is suspended forever?!? Oh NO! I'll be contacting customer service today to settle my account and hoping to get my website back on track.

The past 3 months have been extremely stressful. We've been financially challenged because my boss was going through a difficult time, hence salaries were delayed and all hell went loose! I decided to take on as many projects as I can to makeup for the salary that failed to come. I worked all day long and I was so stressed out chasing after deadlines. Sadly, I wasn't able to handle everything gracefully.  I was a big mess. But no matter how tough it was, we're still able to go through each day. Yes, the Lord works in marvelous and mysterious ways. Thankfully, everything seems going quite well recently and I hope that it'll be smooth sailing from here on.

My family is in a very big fight and we all need to be in this together. For now, I cannot explain what I feel but I am very afraid of what's coming in the next days, months and years. The question "Why?" never really came across me. I only asked for strength, understanding and answers even though I don't know the questions.

Introducing 3 Men & A Momma!

Hi there!! After 10 years of blogging, I've finally made a decision to go a step further. I've always wanted to have my own domain and I'm just so happy that finally I am able to! My plan was to focus on the new baby and abandon this blog but then I realized that I don't have the heart to. Why? This is the very first blog I owned and a ton of memories are written here. (Uhhmm. Please don't back read my writing is so terrible back then that I can't help but cringe upon reading them! Eeek!! But anyways, there's always a room for improvement right?) I would want to transfer or migrate my posts to the new one but I don't know how to do that, for now. I can always Google it though when I have the time.

Please do come and visit my new blog if you got the time. 


When it rains, it pours!

Hello there! It's been a while and I really miss blogging. We had so much going on this month and I can't believe how time flies so fast! I cannot share everything though in just one blog post but let me share my current state of mind, I am utterly THANKFUL! Thankful for all that's been happening right now. I had my shares of dark times too that I even thought of getting myself a bottle of 5-htp to stabilize my emotions (plus the weight loss benefits!). I really believed I was in the brink of depression. But just like what they always say, there's a light at the end of every tunnel!

It seems surreal seeing our dreams slowly turning to reality. The joy I feel triggers another feeling deep within me, fear. Fear of losing it all. Fear of hoping too much. Fear, fear, fear. :| There are times that negativity eats up all the positivity in me! That's the worst trait I have by the way and I am thankful that I have a husband who's a total opposite. :)

THANKFUL! I cannot stress it enough! I thank the Lord for finally granting our prayers! All our hard work is finally paying off.

"Thank you' is the best prayer that anyone could say. I say that one a lot. Thank you expresses extreme gratitude, humility, understanding."
~ Alice Walker

Weekend at Pahumutan, Marilog!

On weekends we usually go to the mall and let the boys play and have dinner at our favorite restaurants, that's how we usually unwind.  But this time, we decided to join my mother-in-law at her friend's rest house in Pamuhatan, Marilog. Marilog is a mountainous area which is about an hour away from the city. It's a perfect escape from the noise, pollution and the city fuss. Being an asthmatic, I was so overwhelmed when I smelled how fresh & crisp the air was. The only problem though was that it was pretty cold up there. You know, I don't do well in cold places because it takes my breath away, yeah literally! But seeing how beautiful the place was, I didn't really thought about how cold it was or how steep the stairs I had to climb going up the rest house. I was just in awe with nature's beauty. It was such a beautiful place. :)

What I immediately noticed when we arrived were the flowers. Every flower was in full bloom! There were dozens of poinsettias, dandelions, sunflowers and others that I didn't really recognized. They were all very pretty!! The photos I have taken doesn't do enough justice on how beautiful they were! The main attraction though was the beautiful statue of Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal housed at topmost area. There she lay in her humble chapel, beautiful and heavenly. 

With my boys. :)

Sister-in-law, shobe and our shoti

Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal

Father & son moments!

We only stayed until 8 in the evening since it has gotten really cold by then, my lungs was screaming for air! I would have loved to stay even for a couple of days. It would be really nice to witness the sunrise, to have coffee with hubby, to take more photos, to go hiking (I won't mind how steep it gets, I have my inhaler with me anyway!), and to pray the rosary to Our Lady of the Miraculous Medal. The owner, tita Lily has so many amazing and miraculous stories with the statue of Mother Mary and how she was able to develop this magnificent place from scratch. I'm looking forward to going back to this lovely place soon, very soon.

What a beautiful weekend it has been!